56 | October 2011 | woman this month Parenting Encouraging this in your children: First on the list is to help your children become independent thinkers. This will prevent them from merely allowing themselves to be told what to do by any figure they deem to be in a position of authority. To begin this process, you need to let them understand that they have a valuable voice that, at appropriate times, deserves to be heard. Set aside some time to sit down with your child, even when they are relatively young, and listen to them. Ask them questions that will prompt them to think for themselves. The belief that children are “to be seen and not heard” is stuffy, old fashioned and frankly harmful. Remember, the world is a competitive place and the children who are encouraged to be assertive, critical, analytical and who choose to think for themselves and question ideas are the ones who will have an advantage. They will be the instinctive networkers and they will find themselves able to negotiate in an assertive and successful way. The times have changed since the idea of children’s silence was the acceptable doctrine, so parents who still adhere to this principle will end up doing their children a disservice. The game has changed and while some children are being taught the new rules, others are being left behind. Pointing out the boundaries Teaching your children to be assertive is one thing, but you have to make sure that they don’t see this as an excuse to challenge their elders all the time. Gratuitously standing-up to authority is actually a result of the inability to think critically. It means they do not have the tools to discern valuable opinions, necessary rules and clever judgements. So when you take your children aside and listen to them, it is also important that you teach them the value of listening to other people. The best way to do this is to expose them to many different people and environments. Allow them to sit in a room full of adults. Do not discourage them from joining in the conversations, but get them to contribute once they have listened to the other people and only when they have something valuable, interesting or relevant to say. The more experience they have of listening and being listened too, in different social environments, the more likely it is that they will be able to perceive when it is appropriate to speak up or more important to stay quiet and show respect. It doesn’t take much money to facilitate these sorts of experiences for your child, you just have to be willing and able to dedicate the time to it. Final thought Ensuring that your children are provided with a practical intelligence that allows them to navigate their way around the world is more valuable than you might imagine. It is, in my opinion, more valuable than even the highest of IQs. A practical intelligence, created by being listened to, being analytical, being perceptive and being able to speak up, will see them through different social and cultural environments and will certainly do no end of good in the workplace. It will also help to create a more conscious, perceptive and thoughtful future society.
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