55 woman this month | October 2011 | There is a tonne of international research that demonstrates the connection between children’s early experience and how they respond to opportunities in later life. If you teach your child to stand up for themselves, to question authority when they perceive injustice and to know their rights, then they are more likely to get what they want out of life. However, there is a fine line between being assertive and being impertinent, precocious, or insolent. Children need to learn to take issue with the things that they perceive to be unfair, but if you don’t teach them how exactly to discern unfairness from necessary discipline, they may end up challenging authority gratuitously and without measure. The research Although it is a generalisation, of course, well-off parents — those with ample education and means — on the whole, encourage their children to ask questions, challenge inconsistencies even rehearse how to appropriately and effectively ask for what they want and need. The children born into better-off families, research shows, are guided towards more structured activities in free time, driven to clubs and sporting events and encouraged to pursue and develop their passions. This means that they are exposed to discipline, to a larger range of authority figures, but are, at the same time, encouraged to be assertive, to be brave, bold and to speak up. Less well-off children — those born into families who cannot afford private education and possibly have less disposable income to spend on after-school activities, on the whole, spend their free time being more imaginative in their play activities, but may not be offered as many opportunities to do the things they really desire. They may also have limited exposure to figures of authority — their experience being more confined to the home and to school. This may mean that they are more likely to submit to the discipline and decrees of those above them, but it may also mean that they do not have the right tools to stand up for themselves in an appropriate way. They may end up lashing out uncontrollably, or they may not speak up at all. There are, of course, advantages to providing children with opportunities to entertain themselves, just as there are benefits to supporting children’s interests and nurturing their motivation. So which is best? It seems pretty unfair to suggest that less-well-off families will be less able to encourage their children to fall on the right side of assertiveness, and while the research does suggest that economic factors can play a part, in my opinion, if you are aware of the need to teach your children certain values or encourage in them certain qualities, then nothing should really stand in your way of achieving this! The main thing to consider is that children who can effectively communicate with adults have the skills, knowledge and competence or “social capital” to articulate what they want in different environments later on in life — be that at school, work, or in communicating with doctors, lawyers and so on.
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