50 | December 2012 www.womanthismonth.com Curious listening Back to the airport loudspeaker; how do you listen to announcements about your flight when you are late and the voice has a strong accent or the noise is fuzzy? You anticipate, focus and listen hard. You clear your mind of distracting thoughts, almost like waking up a little, and you listen attentively. When you listen in this way to others, you strive to understand and get what you need. You may also pay attention to subtle cues. While this is a deep listening, it’s often still selffocused. We listen for what it means to us. “How does what you’re saying reflect on me?” “How does it impact me?” “How does it prove what I already believe to be true?” You may drift into the different stages of listening so just be aware of how you are listening and the impact it has on your child. Intuitive listening At this level, we employ senses beyond auditory. You listen for nuance, for meaning, for discovery. You have no agenda, nothing to prove. You are open to learning and understanding. You notice what’s not said. You detect emotion. At this level, you call on your intuition and take cues from non-verbal sounds and movement. For example, you sense the energy in the room, the emotions the other person is feeling and how important the issue is to your child. You are aware of what is going on around you, the way a noise can change the mood or the way an interruption can change the mood to laughter, annoyance or even upset. Most of us are not practiced at this type of listening. At best, we operate at this level a few times a day. In some cultures this is more natural than others. As you know, messages are not just given verbally; body language plays a great part in the giving and receiving of a message. So, become attuned to unspoken messages. Listening more deeply like this does take more energy if you are not used to doing; but then it becomes more natural, internalised. You don’t have to listen deeply all the time of course; in fact, you can’t! The idea is to listen deeply when in conversation with others who would benefit from your focused attention — with your colleagues, friends, partner and, of course, your child. If you want to understand others more fully, then try to practise deeper listening. With the holiday season approaching and more time with your children, it will be well worth the effort. Effective Listening Experiences: l Greater knowledge and understanding of all aspects of projects, events, people, plans l Improved relationships l Greater efficiency through fewer miscommunications l More engaged and motivated friends, family and colleagues l Greater ability to communicate effectively l Increased trust from others Parenting Reference: Co-Active Coaching, 2nd Edition: New Skills for Coaching People Toward Success in Work and Life. Laura Whitworth, Karen Kimsey-House, Henry Kimsey-House, Phillip Sandahl
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