www.womanthismonth.com 51 December 2012 | Dealing Children are exceedingly resilient, even though they may have been profoundly affected by trauma or loss of a loved one. As we deal with our own reactions and sorrow, we must remember that children are particularly at risk to experiencing trepidation and apprehension as reactions to these events. For a child, following a disaster such as war on the news for example, their outlook of the world as a harmless and predictable place is provisionally lost. In retort to dreadful events, children sometimes conclude, “The world is a scary place” or “People are evil and can’t be trusted.” These thoughts are classic, and the majority of children resolve them over time. However, parents can do much to ensure that the corrosive effects of personal tragedy don’t linger. Teaching children how to lean on their faith to deal with personal tragedies often raises questions about their own existence. What happens to us after we die? Why do bad things happen to good people? Why are we here? Gifted children, given their cognitive maturity, sensitivity, and heightened awareness of spiritual or moral issues, may verbalise these questions at younger ages than other children. Parents don’t have to pretend to have all the answers, but they should validate their children’s inquisitiveness and admit that these are important questions to ask. Making the most of social support networks, such as friendships and families, are extremely important at these times. Do what you can to strengthen your child’s relationships with others. They should spend more time, not less, with their support network during the months following a personal tragedy. Don’t share your most intense misery, fury, or apprehensive reactions with your children. Limiting their exposure to your intense emotional reactions is beneficial. Trying to return to daily routines as swiftly as possible also helps to reinstate a sense of security and trust. Moreover, don’t let thorny conditions become an excuse for ignoring bedtime and meal routines or for neglecting rules about behaviour. Get professional help for children who persist in believing that the world is dangerous and that people can’t be trusted. In these cases it may require more than just assurance from family and friends. Parents with children that have ongoing difficulties with relationships and with moving out into the world, or continue to be withdrawn, agitated, or aggressive long after tragic events, should seek professional counselling. Personal tragedy does not necessarily do everlasting damage to children. On the contrary, mastery of taxing situations can serve as a sort of inoculation against ordeal. The experience of surviving what once seemed excruciating can grant a safeguard of confidence and selfesteem that protects against stressors in life, building a child’s buoyancy about the future. For feedback, comments or questions contact Dr Jinan Darwish via email at: [email protected] Column If the following changes continue for longer than three months following the trauma, it is time to seek professional help: • Behaviour or academic problems at school • Angry outbursts • Withdrawal from usual social activities or play with other children • Frequent nightmares or other sleep disturbances • Physical problems such as nausea, headaches, weight gain or loss • Intense anxiety or avoidance behaviour that is triggered by reminders of the event • Depression or a sense of hopelessness about life or the future • Dangerous risk taking behaviour • Continually worrying about the event as a primary focus in life Parents who are concerned about their children should ask their paediatrician or family physician to refer them to a counsellor or mental health professional that can help. Warning Signs with Trauma
RkJQdWJsaXNoZXIy Mjk0MTkxMQ==