womanthismonth.com | NOVEMBER 2025 OPINION 23 You are in a meeting and you know the answer or have a valuable contribution. Yet you pause. That hesitation says more than we realise. Many women carry an uncertainty about how confidence is acceptable. It is not that we doubt our ability, but that we have learned to measure how we show it. What Confidence Really Means The confidence gap is the space between how capable women are and how confident they feel allowed to appear. Women often underestimate their performance while men tend to overestimate theirs. This is not about talent or intelligence. It is about how we are raised and how society rewards qualities. From a young age many girls are encouraged to be thoughtful, kind and modest. These are beautiful traits, yet they can make it harder to claim our strengths without apology. True confidence is not loudness or pride. It is self-trust: the calm belief that your ideas are worth sharing and that your presence matters. Modesty and Misunderstood Strength In many places modesty is a cherished virtue, shaping how we dress, speak and interact. Yet somewhere along the way modesty began to merge with self-doubt. Humility is graceful, but when humility turns into hesitation, or when we shrink from recognition, it stops serving us. Confidence and modesty are not opposites. They can exist side by side. Quiet confidence is dignified. It does not need to shout to be felt. Why the Gap Persists The gap grows from countless messages: being praised for being helpful instead of capable, being told not to stand out, or seeing assertiveness in boys labelled as strength while in girls it is dismissed as bossiness. These lessons follow us into adult life. Many women downplay achievements, soften opinions, or preface suggestions with “I might be wrong, but…” It is not that women lack confidence. It is that the world often rewards them for keeping it quiet. Rethinking What Confidence Looks Like Confidence can be gentle, steady and kind. It is saying thank you when someone compliments your work instead of brushing it aside. The Confidence Gap We Don’t Talk About Rachel Radford is an expat teacher in Bahrain. Her column in Woman This Month dives into pivotal issues impacting women, reflecting her unique perspective and experiences. It is offering your opinion without waiting for permission. It is knowing your worth without proving it constantly. It grows when women model it for one another. When we see friends, colleagues and mentors owning their strengths with warmth and certainty, we learn that selfbelief can be graceful too. Closing the Gap Bridging the gap is not about changing who we are. It is about unlearning the idea that certainty must be hidden. We can teach our daughters and remind ourselves that self-assurance is not pride but a form of respect for effort and worth. Confidence can be quiet and sit comfortably with modesty. A Quiet Kind of Power It is the steady belief that you belong wherever you choose to be. We do not need to shout to be heard. Sometimes the most powerful voice in the room speaks calmly, without hesitation, and knows it deserves to be there.
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