60 November 2013 www.womanthismonth.com LIFESTYLE | parenting I took some time out recently to re-evaluate and re-confirm my own parenting beliefs and values by attending a Parentology course in Dubai. I was blown away by the energy and motivation of the coaches and the other parents in the room. I was also challenged and motivated to try out something that I feel is very important with even more conviction. Empowering children is definitely the way forward for guardians and anyone who is in a relationship with children. I want to share with you some reflections of a different type of ‘time out’ from Gonan Premfors, co-founder Gozamm (the home of the Parentology philosophies). In her voice I rarely watch television, but I must admit that recently I have been fascinated by the show called Supernanny. It’s hard for me to see all the featured families on the TV show as they struggle through various issues. It would be nice, but unfortunately our course is not aimed at fixing the various issues that families To allow children to be empowered and to ensure a designed relationship that is balanced between parents and children might seem too progressive for some, but it works. by DR CLARE BECKETT-MCINROY and GONAN PREMFORS Time Out, TV Shows and a Treaty! have. Our approach and model will most certainly help a great deal, but it will not fix a family’s problems immediately. One thing that I see a lot in the show is that kids are regularly sent to time out or naughty corner. I know this is a discipline strategy that is also used by a lot of families (and teachers). It really hurts me when I see kids who have been sent for time outs. Sure, it works to control undesired behaviour in the short term. Is it really doing any good to those children? Discipline out of fear, threats and guilt are not really something we should put a child through. Here is the dilemma I have with ‘time out’ or ‘the naughty corner’. You use it because you want children to reflect about having made a bad choice. If you have not given the skill of reflection to a child, all he or she will be thinking is “I am bad, I am wrong and I am guilty”. Therefore they will make decisions from places of fear and guilt. How can you raise powerful children from a feeling of guilt or fear? That is the big question. An anecdote Before I go any further I want to share a story from this summer that involves my daughter Amelia. While in our summerhouse in Turkey, we had some family members coming over to stay with us. When we told Amelia that they were coming she was initially very happy, but her upbeat mood rapidly changed into a sulk. “But they smoke,” she said disapprovingly. Gonan Premfors
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