63 woman this month | January 2012 | What Do Children Learn From New Year's Resolutions? This is really a “how long is a piece of string?” style of question. Children will learn what you teach them, but it might not be what you wanted to teach them, or thought you had taught them. The way that children view goals varies from child to child and from goal to goal. Some of it depends on how a child sees time and how he/she views herself in the world. Time is not experienced in the same way by everyone. Consider that one year is 20 per cent of a five year old’s life! If you have spent any time with a five year old, a week is a very long time, so a one year plan is probably too big a commitment. The things that children will learn from goal-setting also vary. One child might learn to be proficient in making and working towards a resolution, another might get a lesson in delayed gratification. A different child might learn about how best to access new information or pick up a new understanding of how the world works. Children are endlessly learning new things, helping them to cultivate more of a sense of how adults see the world, but this doesn’t mean that we should forget that their world view is very different. They are still developing skills and control over their world that we take for granted. They are still learning how to build and attain a goal. What would seem a small goal to an adult can seem huge to a child as he/she is still developing mastery over the process. Learning the process with a very small goal is probably the most appropriate thing to do. Children with larger-than-life imaginations, for example, will need to begin to see the world more realistically. This can be done through realistic goalsetting. However, some imagination is no bad thing, so it is important not to quash the “dreamer” mentality altogether. Small steps and small goals will lead to bigger feelings of triumph. If your child takes on a goal that they need your help with, be sure that you can follow through with your fraction of the agreement. If you have agreed to drive the child to Karate lessons regularly, for example, make sure you take this agreement seriously. Adults and children will experience days when it seems that things are not going to plan. They will need encouragement and rewards. Talk to your child about setbacks and challenges and help him/her to envisage what obstacles might be encountered along the way. When the obstacles do crop up, you can make light of them, empathically, as they are anticipated and part of the process. Remind them of how fabulous it will be when the goals are achieved! Teaching children to set goals and follow them through to completion is all part of growing up. child apart For feedback, comments or questions contact Dr Jinan Darwish via email at: [email protected] • Don't turn New Year's Resolutions into a chore! • As soon as your child has made his/her resolutions, make sure he/she takes immediate action. This is an important part of the process as it creates momentum. • Praise and encourage him/her as they work through the process. Be supportive when he/she gets discouraged, or hits an obstacle. Help him/her to see that it is not the end of the world, and that obstacles are part of the process. • When your child reaches an obstacle, this is the time to remind them why they wanted to succeed with this resolution, and to repeat the visualisation of success, just as they did when the list was first made. • Succeeding with goals and resolutions involves more than just following a set of instructions. It also involves having the right mindset, overcoming negativity, problem solving, and being persistent. Tips Setting your
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