70 | December 2011 | woman this month Parenting Mirrored vision Values There is something quite wonderful in learning how you “don’t want to do it”. The Dark Side of the Light Chasers by Debbie Ford tells you to consider the elements of the people you cannot stand and recognise them as giving you a wonderful demonstration of how “not to do it”. This, in turn, can help you to clarify what you want. So next time you hear someone, for example, screaming at their child in the supermarket, don’t judge, but stop and ask yourself: “What does this teach me about how tolerant I want to be towards my children? What offends me about this person? Are they angry, are they unkind? What else have they got on their plate at this time?” Ask yourself if you ever behave like this towards your children and make a mental note to stop yourself the next time. The dream Now for the fun bit… Draw on your imagination for a moment. Picture yourself six months from now as that “great” parent. Conjure an image of yourself as that person. Consider how you would feel. Contemplate how you expect your children to respond to you. Imagine the wonderful things that you and your children will enjoy together. Think about what you love doing with them and the qualities that you can encourage in them through these activities. Take a look at their individual qualities. What in particular do you love about them? Take pride in their unique personalities. Development and dignity Most importantly, don’t be too hard upon yourself and never have regrets — see things in the past as learning experiences and then use these to inform how you behave in the next time. You can’t change the past but you can shape the future. If you do this, then in 20 years from now you will be able to sit back and enjoy the benefits of your hard work. Your children will grow into productive, functioning and individual adults, graced with the ability to shape and inform their own future. There is no single way to live or behave. Enjoy the journey together!
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