69 woman this month | December 2011 | What is one of the most daunting challenges that most of us face? It’s the one of being a great parent. This article will enable you to discover what you feel great parenting is and help to ensure that you achieve it. So, what is a great parent? There are so many questions surrounding this and so many pressures that we experience from ourselves and from our peers that it is sometimes hard to see the wood for the trees. The truth is that every parenting situation is different. Each child has a unique identity and each parent a different way of dealing with this. What parent do you want to be? You need to ask yourself whether the pressures you are experiencing to be a particular type of parent are the right ones. You might, for example, be experiencing pressures from the elders in your family to commit to a parenting style that is like theirs, when in reality, times have changed and these styles are no longer so appropriate. You might also feel as though you are experiencing demands from society, which don’t actually conform to how you would wish to behave around your children. The best way to think about it is this: your children are not miniature versions of you. Therefore, you should want for them only that they follow and pursue their dreams. You should want them to know that, no matter what, you are always there for them, without judgment, unconditionally. They’re all different Sadly, many parents find it hard to applaud the qualities in their children that they find alien to them — in other words, those qualities that they do not recognise in themselves or others that they admire. We sometimes don’t understand “where s/he gets it from” and, as a result, we don’t stop to consider different perspectives. Often, a unique behaviour is a quality rather than anything negative. All too often we try to mould them to be as we were or what we wanted to be. They may have “daddy’s nose” or “mummy’s ears”, but in reality, they are just themselves, already individuals in their own rights. We have brought them into this world and can guide them with our values and ideas, but they are under no obligation to carbon copy our lives, nor should we want them to! So, celebrate who they are. Just like a bungee, allow them freedom but with structured parameters. Decide what you can learn from them. This will make you a great parent. So what is perfect? Consider the following… Who are you when you are that wonderful parent? That balanced individual, always on hand with the right questions, advice or answers at the right time? What does it feel like at these points? Mystical? Energising? Empowering? Loving? Perfect parenting looks different to us all and some would question the idea that there even was a perfect style of parenting. It is certainly true that it would be difficult to be a great, wonderful parent all of the time. For most of us, this is an ideal. The important thing is that you take a step back to know what it looks like, feels like — what you want, and that you try your hardest to achieve it. Is it the mother who stays home and dedicates herself to her children or is it the career woman who juggles both motherhood and her job, or is it the charity worker who gives time to schools and society? There are many different types of parent, many of which are fantastic, loving and encouraging. You need to decide what is right for you and your family. Values It can be a difficult task to discover what your real values are and which are the ones you want to pass down to the next generation. Often, we are preconditioned by our parents and by older generations to want certain things. This colours our vision for our own parenting. It can make you think that you actually believe a certain parenting standard or approach is good when, in reality, you have never actually identified with it. You are the powerful one in your life. This is your moment to have total control, and it’s a very exciting and daunting challenge. The ramifications are far reaching, but remember that the future for your children is a very different one than the one your parents prepared you for. So, logically speaking, it’s imperative to look again at old pre conceptions — ask yourself just how relevant they are, and how useful any of it can be in today’s world. Keep developing and learning, maintain an open mind and be flexible. It’s imperative to be sure that the messages you teach are yours and that you are clear of the underlying reasons behind them.
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