88 | November 2011 | woman this month WoMentality R apunzel, Snow White and Cinderella are all girls who, up until my mid twenties, I adored. I learnt about them at school, watched their movies, read the books and decided to follow their heroic horse, knight in shining armour, white picket fence and happily-everafter lifestyle. Somewhere between my mid-twenties and now I became disillusioned by the cold hard reality of every day life. I spoke to a few of my fellow women in the past month to discuss this issue and we all agreed — the values and expectations espoused and promoted by Disney and other fairy tales seem so unrealistic, so romanticised. We’ve all, at one stage or another, been led to believe that Prince Charming will eventually climb the proverbial ladder, to wherever we are, even if it is holed up in our stuffy corporate tower, to pluck us from among many eligible women and lead us to a life of married bliss. We were told we’d all have a brood of children, find the key to unlock a vault of endless money and that our normal, middle class lives would be the stuff of, well, fairy tales! Now, in my thirties, I find myself among a growing population of disenchanted princesses. A woman’s life is fraught with tough choices and hard challenges. Our bodies change, not just at puberty, but continuously through our twenties and thirties, through child birth and then during menopause. We have to consider the career-family balance, because as we all know, still far too often the burden of childcare falls on us and us alone. As I entered the work force there was a major push for women to beat men at their own game and force their way up the corporate ladder. Unfortunately this encouraged a type of male-imitative behaviour that didn’t always do these women any favours and often forced them to forgo having children. Many of us will never marry, some of us will not bear children, a handful of us will marry and divorce and a few of those will continue the cycle several times over. Only a very small percentage of my friends will ever really marry into or discover for themselves the “land of make believe” and live the life we were all told we’d inherit. But I have learned to think about life in a different way. Loosening my grip on the fairy-tale ideal hasn’t been an entirely negative process. Do I regret my decisions to fight for my career and to give it everything I have to become a success? Definitely not! It has filled me with selfconfidence and personal pride. I am independent and can sleep at night knowing that the roof over my head is paid for. I owe nothing to anyone for where I am and that is a truly satisfying feeling. Of course, there are days when I see children and I wish they could run for me, shouting “mummy” and embracing my legs with the hug of love that I see other parents receiving. I even wonder sometimes if I will grow old alone! Time is ticking after all. We can deny certain things about being a woman, but the biological clock continues to tick loudly over everything. As far as baby making is concerned, we have a use by date. If I have not found Prince Charming soon, I feel it would have to be a true prince indeed who would pluck me from the tower, over forty or fifty. And at that age, I doubt children will still be an option. I wish that we could teach our sisters, daughters, nieces and all young girls we come into contact with, the reality of life, rather than filling their young heads with fairy tales. It is not that we shouldn’t be aspirational Hard-headed Woman Fairy Tales — hopes and dreams are what make the world go round! But there are some dreams we can never achieve, and this is depressing. There are others, though, that are both exciting and accessible, if we work hard and grab the right opportunities. We shouldn’t let ourselves become saddened by goals that are unrealistic and unhealthy. We should instead concentrate on the many great things that the real worldcan offer us! Happiness, self-respect, self-confidence can all be the key to a successful life. As for me, I do not regret my choices. I have myself and the love of my friends. We are a tight cougar pack and we will be our own family as we age together. Besides, there’s still plenty of time to kiss a few more frogs to see if my own version of the fabled Prince Charming materialises. The best things are often a complete surprise!
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