46 | May 2013 www.womanthismonth.com how to deal with them would come in handy. Once you go up the levels, it will be more and more down to your children to work things out for themselves. We’re moving from the practical to the emotional and much depends on their ability to deal with their emotions, to create empathy, to relate to groups of people and to make sure that they are able to set an agenda socially. Along with motivation, these are the components of what psychologist and author Daniel Goleman calls ‘emotional intelligence’. Motivation plays a major part in the final two of Maslow’s Hierarchy. 4. Esteem: This means both self-esteem and winning the respect and affection of others. It can be a big shock for your daughter to find that after being a big fish at school, she’s a tiny minnow swimming in a big lake of equally talented people at university. She needs to be prepared for that. Lack of confidence can easily lead her to slide into isolation and loneliness. So it’s important that she knows where she can get help; perhaps the university counselling service, and yes, perhaps even Mum and Dad! You should also encourage her to find a mentor, perhaps a member of staff or a student in a higher year, whom she can trust and confide in. 5. Self-actualisation: This is the ultimate level. Sometimes we achieve things that change, define and make sense of our lives. Going to university is surely not just about getting a piece of paper at the end of three or four years. It’s much more than that. It is an opportunity to see the world, understand different cultures, do new things and feel good about what we achieve. So no matter how anxious you are for your daughter to get the top grades, do encourage her to spread her wings and seek achievements and experience beyond the narrow confines of study. There’s a very practical reason for this, by the way. When she’s applying for her first job, she will be up against people who not only achieved a good degree, but can provide evidence of a host of life skills. Perhaps they took part in an earthquake relief project, created a new college society or raised money for charity through organising events. If all she’s done in that time is lock herself away and study, she will be at a disadvantage. Steve Royston, an expert, notes that one final topic more or less permeates all the levels — money. “When I started at university, I had a grant each term. These were the days — now sadly long gone — when in the UK many people actually received money for going to university instead of racking up debt. Unfortunately I blew my grant in the first two weeks,” says Royston. One of the most consistent trends among students going off to university is their inability to handle money. Some but not all schools provide guidance. So realistically, it’s down to you as parents to make sure that your daughter understands the basics of financial selfmanagement: how to budget, how to use banks and credit cards, what to do if the money runs out. Actually, money management is not just practical; it’s psychological as well. Think of compulsive shopping. So did you think that your daughter going off to university was the beginning of independence? “As the father of two daughters who have successfully graduated from university, I can tell you what I suspect you know already: you never stop worrying and you never shut down the Bank of Mum and Dad,” he explains. Some parents worry about their baby being mislead and yet most students tend to uphold their family values even more when they are at university, something that is a credit to you as a parent. But there are ways to anticipate the bumpy ride ahead. And a bit of planning, a bit of thinking on both sides and a few practical steps can go a long way towards avoiding too many of the inevitable dramas and crises. Good luck! Steve Royston is the managing director of Anfield Information, a British/US-owned company that provides consultancy for the development of products and materials in the areas of training, education, multimedia, technical information, localisation and marketing communications. He co-designed Going West, an action learning programme for students planning to study at foreign universities. His personal blog is at www.59steps.wordpress.com. Email [email protected]. Parenting
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