www.womanthismonth.com 87 June 2014 The romanticised glamour of travelling the globe by sea and memories of the ‘80s TV show Love Boat were quickly shot down in flames, as work on board a ship showed me how truly vicious it can be on chefs and wait staff. Close to the end of my final contract, I had really had enough of being nice to people, despite my senior management role and officer status. We worked long tiring hours with scant breaks, for seven days a week, for six months at a time. This is a job where everyone is bound to blow their fuse eventually. Between feeding sessions, which took place more than six times a day in more than a dozen restaurants and cafes, we also entertained the poor souls aboard; dare they ever become bored and desire to eat even more food! On every cruise, passengers are welcomed to a mid morning tour of the full kitchen area. For staff, the issue was that the tour took place when we would normally be on a break. Thus we lost our break time on this particular day, a point of disturbance for my ageing frame. Starting in the 1,000 seat restaurant, passengers would meander slowly between the kitchen’s various sections, stopping to snack and watch displays of melon carving, ice carving and bread baking. One day, I was not in the mood to entertain passengers’ questions. Perhaps people do not pack their common sense when planning a cruise, but the questions are almost the same and either prove that the world is naive or some people are just stupid. “What do you do with the ice carvings when they melt?” and “Why can’t we get cable TV?” are but a few of the regularly asked questions that just leave you shaking your head. Do these stairs go up or down? Which elevators go forward? What time is the midnight buffet? Do the crew sleep on board? When the menu says fresh fish, do your chefs catch it themselves? What is the ice carving made of? Of course none of these compare to the question the chefs get asked the most, which usually has a way of infuriating them to the point of never wanting to talk to a passenger again. Do you have to train for this or did you get the job straight out of school? Some days you just don’t feel appreciated at all! The tours are usually short. Some days a few dozen people would wander through the kitchen looking vaguely interested and amused at the displays. But on this particular day, around 500 people had arrived. They all wanted to talk, wait at the snack trays until refills arrived and they questioned every thing. By 11am, I was ready to leave this charade and go for a break. Standing beside the hotel director, a gentleman dressed in a safari suit asked us with deep concern on his face, “I don’t see any dumbwaiters. How many do you have?” I’m guessing he had not sailed since the turn of the century. I was tired and not in the mood for any further questions. So before the hotel director could answer, I said, “We actually have 105 dumb waiters! But these days we prefer to call them dining room stewards; it is a bit rude to call them all dumb.” Leaving the hotel director and passenger in a state of disbelief, I turned and went on my break. Some days I may not be truly appreciated for my career or skills achieved in 30 years of doing it. But I can certainly leave a mark with my retorts and amuse myself. That, my friends, is the only thing that matters! he says Ask a Stupid Question by JAMES CLAIRE In the ‘90s, I worked for an international cruise line firm; I cannot imagine a less thankless task.
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