58 | July 2012 | woman this month Parenting Help your child talk about feelings When children know you are truly listening, they often cry harder. Your loving attention is reassuring enough to let them tackle big feelings of fear and grief. It will take courage on your part to trust that your child knows what s/he’s doing as s/he cries that hard with your support. It’s about learning the different cries and knowing that sometimes, crying is attention seeking, but also therapeutic. A passionate cry in your arms will help your child relax, trust you, and see the world as a safer place. All they need is for you to be close and confident that all is well. And in the dark hours… Getting rid of bad sleeping habits may not happen overnight. Consider this a project that may take from one night to two weeks. When your child wakes, go to them and make close physical and eye contact. Reassure them and tell them it’s OK to go back to sleep; that you are right there. Listen to him/her cry. If your child is crying vigorously, you may be able to bring him into your arms and hold him while he cries. If the crying continues, it might be that they have feelings that they need to release and being held by you, while comforting, may not prevent this. Other children stop crying the moment they are held close. If your child stops crying in your arms, remind him/her that it’s time to go back to sleep, and move slowly toward putting him/her back to bed. Keep moving until s/he remembers the feeling s/he’s working through. And for some children there are no cries at all, they may just need to be awake for a while and see you before they return to restful sleep. Remember, as you listen, that your child has everything they need. Listening to a child’s feelings How many nights of crying your child has, depends on factors you can’t know ahead of time. There is no way to gauge the size and depth of the feelings s/he carries. Sometimes night disturbances come out of the blue with no apparent reason. For some children, it happens often and for others, it’s just occasional. You may feel the need to cry yourself. That’s fine if it happens. Seek support from friends and family who can mentor you through a tricky time. This is most beneficial when you are bringing up your first child. Listen to tips and allow suggestions you are not comfortable with to wash over you as well. Remember that you are not alone; there will be many millions of parents around the world awake with you during the night!
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