www.womanthismonth.com 7 December 2012 | Just like Alison said in her article on “Alternative Therapies”, acupuncture does seem a strange treatment to choose if you are after a dose of relaxation. But I do have many friends who regularly do this and so perhaps there is something in it after all. It seems to be much less invasive than I had thought and as an ancient form of medicine there must be some reason why it has been popular for hundreds of years. I think perhaps I will try it — I’ll let you know how I get on! Nadia, by email. Letters The Parent Diaries STAR LETTER Write Here Write Now 40 | November 2012 www.womanthismonth.com Wellbeing The treatment: Acupuncture Our expert: Dr Yang, Chinese medicine doctor at Bahrain Wellness Resort Acupuncture is a treatment I have always been unwilling to test, but it is the most recognised form of energy healing and so I had to give it a try. The idea of having little needles imbedded all over my body wasn’t appealing. However, surprisingly, I felt incredibly light throughout the process. Increasing energy “This ancient form of natural Chinese medicine has been available to patients at the Bahrain Wellness Resort for four years now,” says Dr Yang, one of the resort’s three Chinese medicine doctors. “Primarily, it increases energy levels and improves blood circulation and we recommend it to people who have difficulty sleeping,” he continues. The treatment is very simple; Dr Yang first consults with you and asks where you have aches and pains. He then takes your pulse and decides on which areas to concentrate. In the treatment room, he will place the necessary amount of needles on various body points, each which assists certain ailments. You are then left with your own thoughts for half an hour whilst the needles do their magic. Why it’s alternative Sticking pins in a person isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but there is a reason that so many people frequently return to acupuncture. Nevertheless, there are other options that achieve the same end result. “If a patient doesn’t wish to choose acupuncture, there are many similar therapies I recommend,” offers Dr Yang. “Try acupressure or reflexology to target certain trigger points that will promote relaxation,” he explains. Pin Me! This month’s star letter will win a bag of goodies from Ford’s ‘Warriors in Pink’ collection. So, to get shopping send us your views and opinions on this month’s edition either by email to editor@ womanthismonth.com, by fax to 17 813-700 or by post to PO Box 20461. There is no book on the absolute dos and don’ts of parenting; as any parent will know, it is basically a lot of guess work combined with trial and error! However, from time to time it is great to get advice from professionals in this field, who can help provide guidance when mothers and fathers most need it. And that’s where Woman This Month’s Dr Clare Beckett-McInroy comes in. Every month, I make sure I don’t miss out on her insight as she explores various parenting dilemmas. The most recent article “Are You Overparenting?” was fantastic. I realised that I do in fact mollycoddle my kids a fair amount and should work to give them more space to grow (whether I want them to or not!). We are here to only steer and support our offspring and at some point they need to fly the nest and build lives for themselves. Just as Dr Clare advised, parents should help make their children’s dreams come true and in time let them show how far they really can go. Sasha, by email. 54 | November 2012 www.womanthismonth.com www.womanthismonth.com 55 November 2012 | Travel THE LOW-DOWN: Considered one of the holiest places on the sub-continent, Varanasi is where Hindu pilgrims come to wash a lifetime of sins in the Ganges, the river of salvation. It is named after the two rivers, Varuna and Asi, which meet here. Previously known as Benares and Kashi, this is the city of Lord Shiva, the most powerful god in Hinduism. Expiring here is thought to be the greatest blessing as it offers liberation from the cycle of birth and death. Believed to be the crossing ground between the physical and spiritual worlds, the city of light is home to intimate rituals conducted publicly on the ‘ghats’. Varanasi has an eerie yet bewitching aura which makes it an unforgettable experience because of the collective sense of rebirth and the sacred acts of cremation. X-FACTOR: Once you’re done taking in the magical side of this overwhelming city, walking along the intricate stairways and passages or taking a boat ride, you can take a trip back to the present day by visiting the markets. Varanasi is popular for its Banarasi saris made from silk, adorned with intricate designs and zari embellishments (threads of gold or silver). Shopaholics can find much more than brocaded fabrics here. Fetch the best of handmade brassware, jewellery, woodcraft, carpets, wall hangings, lampshades and masks of deities which make the perfect souvenirs. Foodies shouldn’t leave without trying out the langra mangoes and khoa, a dairy product. The daring epicurean can have a go at the Banarasi paan. BEST FOR: Culturologists will go crazy in the labyrinthine ‘Old City’. Varanasi boasts a unique culture of fine arts and literature. Watch an all-night open-air music concert and visit the various forts and museums within the area. Indulge in authentic ayurvedic treatments to relax muscles that have spent enthralling hours weaving through crowds of people. Varanasi, India Lose Yourself By Elma Bartholomew Leave your watch at home, switch off your phone, tear up your itinerary and forget your bucket list. Surrender to the meandering spirit of exploration and just… get lost! 42 | November 2012 www.womanthismonth.com www.womanthismonth.com 43 November 2012 | Parenting Are You Over-parenting? Persistent, prying, panic or pandemonium — how are you overdoing your role as a parent? Carol Dweck, a social and developmental psychologist at Stanford University, conducted a research that indicated that such parents raise more motivated, and in turn, more successful children. Her experiments involve, for example, young children solving simple puzzles. Most did these tasks with little difficulty. The next part of the experiment involved Dr Dweck telling some of the children how clever, bright or capable they were. The result was that those children who were not told they’re smart were more motivated to tackle increasingly difficult puzzles. They also exhibited higher levels of confidence and showed greater overall progress in puzzle-solving. This may seem counterintuitive, but praising children’s talents and abilities seems to throw their confidence. Attempting more tricky puzzles carries the risk of losing their status as “amazing” and it deprives them from the thrill of choosing to work simply for its own sake, regardless of end result. The consequence is that reasonably supporting a child’s autonomy, and limiting interference, leads to better academic and emotional outcomes. In short, don’t over-praise. Let them grow up At a very practical level, this means that parents must not do things for children that they are capable or almost able of doing themselves. It should always be about the child’s needs. Some parents help their children or do tasks for them to satisfy their own needs, consciously or inadvertently. The main goal during ‘growing up’ is to develop a sense of self that is independent, confident and generally in accord with reality. If a baby is always carried even though it can actually walk, a carer diminishes their confidence and distorts reality. This is also the case when a child may, for example, be working on a creative project for their homework and a parent steps in to ‘help’ which involves re-writing or even re-designing the whole thing. Remember, it’s good to congratulate yourself when your child does something for themselves. You have done your job well. At times, the final result may not be quite what you wanted or expected. Yet, pointless intervention diminishes your child’s self-esteem and they can also feel angry at your prying. Finding the limit Isn’t it a parent’s job to help with those things that are just beyond your child’s reach? What defines over-parenting? In the early 1900s, following research and observation, Lev Vygotsky, an educational theorist, developed the concept of the zone of proximal development (ZPD) defined as the most difficult task a child can do independently and the most difficult task the child can do with help. In short, interaction with a teacher, more able classmate, parent or helper can benefit a child on the edge of learning a new concept. They provide a standing ground in the same way that a scaffold enables a decorator to reach the highest parts of a room that would otherwise be out of reach. To help understand what a child needs help with, it’s important to observe them and to tap into how they are feeling. Are they confused, inquisitive or frustrated? Asking open-ended questions are useful here. The difficult part is to know when you can step in with questions and ideas and when to leave your child to figure things out for themselves. How to be an authoritative parent: l Express warmth and nurturance l Listen to your children l Encourage independence l Place limits, consequences and expectations on their behaviour l Allow them to express opinions l Administer fair and consistent discipline l Encourage them to discuss options While culturally and ethically there is an underlying and unwritten consensus about appropriate and inappropriate parenting, many are confused about what is the right amount and type required to ensure their children become confident, socialised, talented and productive for their future life. With this in mind, is over-parenting really a fair term or concept? Parental involvement has been studied for many years. Optimal parenting, referred to as a parent who is involved and responsive, who sets high expectations but respects their child’s autonomy, was a word used by Diana Baumrind, a clinical and developmental psychologist at the University of California in the ‘50s and ‘60s. What is important here is having boundaries while also listening to your child. As Madeline Levine, clinician, consultant and author asserted in the New York Times in August, such parents are seen to have a perfect balance of involvement and independence. Plus, they generally raise children who do better academically, psychologically and socially, compared to those whose parents are permissive and less involved, or controlling and more involved. So, what makes this balancing act so successful and what can we learn from it? It is clear that these parents work on cultivating motivation. The term “authoritative parenting”, seen by many as the optimum mentoring style, is referred to as democratic, involving a childcentric approach in which parents hold high expectations for their children. By Dr Clare Beckett-McInroy WRITE IN AND WIN The Travelling Bug I have never been someone who desires to go travelling (the idea of roughing it and carrying a huge rucksack doesn’t really do it for me!), but I have to admit that your travel articles are very alluring. I particularly liked the November issue’s topic; the idea of losing myself in a far away place is definitely a good idea. I think every so often we all need to escape the routine of our daily lives and go somewhere completely different. I will definitely be encouraging my friends to go to Kyoto with me at some point — it looks absolutely beautiful! Dana, by email.
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