www.womanthismonth.com 47 August 2013 Children can be brutally honest and sometimes that can hit a nerve, possibly confirming that their comment is totally relevant. One thing that is great about bringing up children or being involved with children is that every day is different. As you learn and support their learning, real lessons of life can help you and your children grow stronger together. As a parent you have a very important job of being a great role model for your children. For example, children teach us to stay honest. If you don’t they will trip you up one day, maybe even in front of their teacher, a friend or a colleague! Can you really teach a child that a ‘white lie’, a lie to protect someone, for example, is ok? It is what it is. It gets you thinking. There are often real lessons for you as a parent in these situations, where your values are rocked and redefined. As they get older, they see and hear everything, which means there simply is no escape. The right thing to do As a parent you are presented with certain types of dilemmas depending on the situation. Of course, you want what is best for your children. And yet, as a parent you are human. You have shortcomings and misgivings. The big question is: How do you want your children to be when they grow up and even become parents themselves? What are you consciously and subconsciously teaching your children? How are you supporting them to become the independent adult you envisage them to be? Do you, for example, demonstrate the importance of timeliness, calmness, a good diet and exercise or the love of reading? The list is endless. Let them speak What’s important is for you to make your list of supportive ways; the next step is to live them. It’s a nice activity to discuss these with your child, not as you are rushing into school to meet the bell, but at a time and in a place where they can give their thoughts and opinions on what you do and why you do it. Support them to articulate their feelings; try and see things through their eyes. Getting children to think for themselves and consider different perspectives is a great life skill. Of course, it’s not right to always let children make decisions on their own, especially ones that can affect their whole life. You also don’t want to be blamed for pushing them into certain activities all the time either! There needs to be a balance as children have little life experience to draw upon. Ironically, once they pass the egocentric stage, they still feel that they know exactly what they should be doing with their spare time, the way things work or the profession they want to be in for the rest of their lives. Thankfully, there are plenty of options in this day and time. As a parent, the best you can do is to make sure you support them and listen so that they can make informed choices. This is about knowing what is in their reach and making sure that you communicate as a priority. Be their supportive foundation, but let them know that they have to live their own life. Speak with your children about everything that’s important to them for life, such as the value of saving a little money instead of spending all of it so that they can manage their consumer desires. And if they still do what they want, spending all their money will make them realise how frustrating it is not to be able to do something because the money has gone already. There are so many examples of relevant situations, where you can support your child in their thinking. Getting children to think for themselves and consider different perspectives is a great life skill
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