6 | August 2012 | woman this month Letters All It Takes STAR LETTER Write Here Write Now 15 woman this month | July 2012 | Interview Feminists get a bad reputation. As a woman who often speaks openly about feminism, the eye-rolling and smirking that I am met with is more tiresome than troubling, but damaging nonetheless. Especially when it comes from another woman. Sure, too much of the same thing, whether it be impassioned speeches about women’s rights, campaigning outside of government buildings or a simple admission of support for the cause, might be boring or distasteful to some. But without it, where would we be? When we look at the working world, the fact is that, until we experience proper equality — the removal of the glass ceiling, no more pay gap and fair, merit-based opportunities — the feminist movement needs to remain active. However, feminism takes many forms. There are some that believe, probably misguidedly, that the only way to make a point is to shout it in somebody’s face. I myself am occasionally guilty of thinking that I need to make public declarations or take on an unnecessary challenge in the name of some greater good. There are others, though, who believe that many decisions, even small ones that go largely unnoticed, can contribute to a greater activism. I tracked down Suhair Al Ajjawi, one of Bahrain’s prominent businesswomen, to get her opinion on the subject. Suhair cuts an impressive figure. She’s been a senior manager at Ernst and Young, she did a stint as a director of corporate communications and she is currently responsible for developing the new retail marketing and sales department at the prestigious Al Salam bank. I ask Suhair about what she thinks being a career-woman means in the current climate. She acknowledges that, “Any type of work is challenging for a woman. Not only in the Arab world, but in the Western world too. I saw plenty of women being mistreated in the workplace in the UK.” This hasn’t stopped her in her tracks though. She challenges the misconception that all outspoken, driven Arab women get a tough time. “If you prove yourself here you can be the equal of a man,” she says, “As long as you work hard, doors are opened for you.” Suhair also dismisses the idea that culture and tradition in the Middle East are what hold women back. There is a sense, often in countries outside of the GCC, that the patriarchy engendered by the Muslim religion will stunt a woman’s ability to succeed in the working world. “It is true,” she explains, “that men can find it difficult to take instructions from a woman. Tradition, culture, religion, background and education have all played a part in this. But there is actually an advantage here.” “In the Arab world,” Suhair goes on, “the culture leads men to be more respectful when they speak to a woman and in the way that they treat her.” “Yes there are limits”, she admits, “The glass ceiling is still visible. There is a level that a woman finds it hard to go beyond. It depends where you work. I have to say, my superiors are very supportive. In order to succeed you need to have drive and ambition, but you also need to be supported by your superiors and managers. I have been very lucky in this regard.” Probably the most interesting thing that Suhair and I discuss is her opinion of what the modern feminist looks like. It is my belief that the current generation is still treading the pathway for those to come. We have to break new ground so that others can follow more easily. I ask her if she thinks it is important for women like her to be in the public eye — to be visibly working their way up the ladder in a big corporation as an example to others. Her answer isn’t quite what I expect. “I don’t care about showing myself to the world. When you do this, you do it for yourself,” she explains, “I have to satisfy myself and meet my own interests and prove things to myself. I do what I believe and what I enjoy and if the world sees, that’s fine.” “What is the use of doing something to make a point, if you are actually miserable about it?” she goes on. “We spend such long hours in our jobs; we sacrifice time seeing our families to do it. You have to love it or it doesn’t make sense.” The point that Suhair makes, I think, is that feminism, so far, may not have achieved total, unquestionable equality, but it has afforded women the luxury to choose the option that makes her most happy. Taking action and pursuing a career in finance, or any other predominantly male environment is great, if it is something that you are happy about and the idea that it might facilitate another woman’s career after yours is a great by-product. However, if you don’t like it, don’t do it just because you think you should. The feminist movement hasn’t fought all these years so that every woman can be the director of an international bank. It has existed so that women have the right to choose what they think they would enjoy; the career that would make them happy or the option that would most benefit them and the ones they love. Finally, I ask Suhair to offer some advice to other women looking to embark on a new career. “Have passion for the job that you choose. To succeed, you have to be competitive, dedicated and really knowledgeable — not just technical knowledge about the product or service you are involved with, but also general knowledge. You really have to love it. To grow and progress and achieve your goals, passion is the most important thing,” she says. “And don’t ever be ashamed or embarrassed to admit when you don’t know something and to ask others for help.” Do What You Love Women’s rights have come a long way in Bahrain. We still have some distance to cover before we reach equality, of course, but maybe some of us are going about it in the wrong way. Natasha Bird talks to Suhair Al Ajjawi about her approach to being a career woman. 14 | July 2012 | woman this month 29 woman this month | July 2012 | Showcase Fashion 7. The basic itinerary With the new collections in stores, it might be hard to choose the essentials. Invest in drawstring trousers, a kurta shirt, skirts, shorts, maxi dresses and capris (if you must). If it isn’t bright, it better be pastel. 8. Deceive Stash away your sleeveless tops for evenings alone to avoid nasty tans. A clever way to mask heavy upper arms is by draping them in a delicate chiffon scarf. It doesn’t hurt to look a little arty. 9. Whiter than white Please don’t be fooled by the idea that white makes you look bigger than you actually are. The secret to any good piece of clothing is to check if it fits well. There’s no better company for a shopaholic than a dressing room. 10. Activity-conscious attire Always consider the task at hand. If you intend to be quite active for the duration of the day, don’t choose something too long. You wouldn’t want to keep tripping over the hem. Add some pizzazz Summer gives you the opportunity to be playful with your outfit. Nothing distracts the eyes better from those dreaded “problem areas” than funky accessories. Dressing for Summer 20Tips: We’ve waited too long to shed those heavy layers of clothes in dull, dark tones. Bring out the dresses and flaunt the bright colours. It’s that time of the year when skin is in. WTM gives you the key to the perfect summer wardrobe. By Elma Bartholomew 11. All ears Nothing says “fun” like hoops. In fact, anything that dangles is good to go. We can’t have enough of bead fringe earrings this season. Fish out those disc earrings as well. 12. Up to the neck Flaunting your collar bone is a good enough reason to decide against wearing any sort of necklace or pendant. Then again, that’s the same reason you should want to wear them. Keep an eye out for your neckline when picking out chokers. Colour-block necklaces add freshness to monotonous clothing. 13. Wrist candy The chunkier, the better. Whether it’s bangles, bracelets or cuffs; it’s never too much. Get creative; mix them up. Your watch could use some company. 14. Stand tall Hemp wedges and wooden platform heels are life-savers. Cut-outs and peep-toes work well too. If you’d rather opt out of wearing heels, go crazy and pick up the neon jelly-strap flats that seem to be popping up everywhere now. 15. Complete the look The only layer you can be adding is a scarf. Silk and chiffon are winning fabrics. Accessorising is vital. We’re all for quirky rings. Don’t forget, a belt can give an unexpected twist to the simplest pieces. Turn down the heat It might be sizzling outside. That doesn’t mean you should raise the temperature indoors. Here are a few tips for appropriate ways to dress during summer at the office. 16. Smart casual Dressing down might be permitted closer to the weekend. However, it still needs to be appropriate for a work environment. Rule of thumb — no shorts, no ripped jeans, and definitely no flip-flops. 17. Environment-conscious clothing Keep an eye out for the culture of the city you work in. Most importantly, always have your job description in mind. Would you trust a client who met you in an ill-fitting t-shirt and a pair of old jeans? 18. The miracle fabric You don’t want to wear something too taut. A cotton-linen mix works better than 100 per cent linen. Cotton shirts and a one-button blazer should be just right. 19. Bottom line If they allow shorts in your organisation, the wise option is to be clear about the length. Wear them with pumps to elongate your legs. So as not to cut yourself in half, the petite can opt for shorts that fall right above your knee. Monochromatic colours or a pencil skirt work best with a dressy cotton top. 20. Preppy vs sloppy The idea behind “casual Thursdays” is to look relaxed yet pulled together. It’s never OK to wear a sweat shirt and sneakers to the office. Similarly, daisy dukes, stained garments, sagging jeans and flimsy rompers should stay at home (or be burnt). Dare to bare Being skin-sational can be a tricky business. The idea is to carefully tread the line between confidence and crassness. It is important to be tasteful. 1. Smack in the middle Midriffs are one thing that hardly ever goes out of style. A toned midsection shouldn’t be hidden away. However, for this look, the belly button is a no-no. 2. A fresh pair The runways have been flooded with bra tops this year. Prints go best with bright skirts. Feminise the sporty kinds with flared skirts. Follow the supermodels and feel light in a little white t-shirt and chambray shorts. 3. A bit here, a bit there For the shy amongst you, this look might not come too easily. A tie-front top works well; you can adjust the length so as not to reveal too much. Balance it out with high-waist slacks. Lolita tops are great this season. 4. Don’t give it all away Nothing turns heads like long limbs. If you’re unveiling a stretch of your leg, cover up on top. A short kaftan can turn you into a beach goddess. Pick dresses with thigh-high hems. Nothing is more subtle than unsheathed shoulders. Say hello to halters, peek-a-boo shoulders and cut-out tops. 5. Age before beauty Leave the hot pants for the youngsters, unless you have a classy blouse to go with it. If you’re thinking tight mini-skirts, pair it with a loose chemise. A belt at the waist gives shape to any outfit. Dressing smart It isn’t only about how you look; it’s about how you feel as well. Comfort plays a major role in choosing what to don in this sticky weather. 6. Material matters If your wardrobe doesn’t already have a section full of cottons, it’s time to go shopping. Don’t expect to survive the heat without lightweight fabrics. Synthetics shouldn’t find a way into your outfit any time soon. 28 | July 2012 | woman this month Rebecca Taylor Louis Vuitton Job versus Career I completely agree with Suhair Al Ajjawi’s approach to being a career woman. Many women have focused so much on their feministic views that they have managed to overlook the actual purpose of it all. The titles don’t really matter as long as you love what you’re doing. Your career doesn’t depend on your gender; it should depend on your passion towards your job. If you’re dedicated and efficient at what you do, no one is going to care if you’re a man or a woman. I am fortunate enough to come from a family where the women have worked for most of their life and with high designations, too. It isn’t an easy path, I must agree. Nonetheless, anything is possible if you believe it is. The key, as Suhair suggested, is to do what you love. Noor, by email. WRITE IN AND WIN This month’s star letter will win a BD25 online shopping voucher from Namshi.com. So, to get shopping send us your views and opinions on this month’s edition either by email to [email protected], by fax to 17 813-700 or by post to PO Box 20461. Let me begin by saying that your tips for summer dressing couldn’t have come at a better time. In the cooler months, I couldn’t wait to get out of the ‘layered’ look. So, the summer months were more than welcome in my eyes, until I’d reached a fashion rut. Believe it or not, with a wardrobe full of new clothes, it still felt like I had run out of outfits. I hoped for winter to return sooner because, with layers, at least you had more items to mix up; or that’s what I thought until I found inspiration from your simple tricks to dressing for the season. I’ve even come up with a twist to your tip: If it isn’t white, it better be bright. Also, it is unbelievable how accessorising gives the same dress a new touch. Fatima, by email. Fashion Statement ‘Simple Solutions to Sensible Sleep’ is a simple and sensible piece of writing, but the practical application, when the recipient is not willing to oblige, is just plain difficult and irrational. I’m sure, the last sentence, “Remember you are not alone!” is consolation to many a parent who is trying hard to put their little one to sleep. Recently, I witnessed a five-year-old standing in front of her 18 month-old baby brother and singing the national anthem of a country! She should have sung it many times, as the rate of him closing his eyelids was very, very slow; millimetre by millimetre, you could say. Finally, maybe after two or three encores, the little one was fast asleep! Whether this was simple or sensible, I don’t really know. However, all I could see was the explicit expression of love of a little girl for her baby brother. Sidney, by email. 57 woman this month | July 2012 | Parenting Dr Clare Beckett-McInroy At some point, your children will have difficulty sleeping through the night. It will happen at different ages for different children, but there is usually some way you can help. Solutions to Sensible Sleep Simple M ost children struggle at some time or another with sleeping through the night. Of course, when infants are very young, they need to wake several times in the night to feed and be reassured that their parents are close. The need for reassurance does not always disappear at the same age for all children. Furthermore, during critical times — times of change or pressure — children can need that little bit of extra nurturing and help them get to sleep or return to sleep once they wake. The focus of this article is to help healthy children (and parents) overcome patterns of interrupted sleep. After about six months, unless your baby is ill or underweight, s/he is capable of sleeping through the night, most of the time. A regular sleep pattern can be interrupted during times of growth spurts, travelling and change. Children vary greatly in how much sleep they need, but by this age, most parents should also be returning to a good, uninterrupted sevenhour stretch of sleep too. Once you reach this milestone it feels marvellous, but before you do, the regularly interrupted nights will leave you feeling tired and irritable. Many children experience feelings that prevent them from sleeping through the night at least some of the time. Most parents do whatever they can to get their little ones back to sleep — allow them to cuddle in their bed, make sure they are fed and watered, check the room’s temperature and lighting, ensure the desired cuddly toy or blanket is in close to their child. For some babies and children, though, parents try for months to patiently accommodate their needs, followed by frustration and mounting stress because neither they nor their child can sleep through the night. It can get to a point where something has to change for survival. Children need us to respond to them As a parent, you want to help your child learn to go to sleep unaided, with sleeping through the night as your ultimate goal. However, there are so many books which give different advice, so it can be hard to decide which approach to take. These “experts” suggest such things as controlled crying or letting the child cry for a period of time to see if they return to sleep unaided and extending the time they are alone in his/her own bed or cot, without response from a parent. Many parents can't bear to do this. It doesn't sit well with their instinct to help and to be trustworthy when children need reassurance. On the other hand, some babies and children take to this method very quickly, even from the first night it is tried. Other “experts” believe that parents should respond every time a child cries. This is because children need to know that we will be there for them. And yet, many parents have gone through stages of returning to their child, hour after hour, when basic needs have been met and the child is just developing a dependency on their presence. The main message is that there is no right or wrong way. It’s about how you feel as a parent, whilst knowing that what you are doing is for the best for your child. Keep in mind that children who sleep well are usually less tired and happier during day, so whichever method works is probably the best. I will stay until you fall asleep An alternative and supportive way to handle a child’s sleep troubles is one that allows your child to get rid of the tension that wakes them, and allows you to help him recover and sleep peacefully. This is obviously easier when children can articulate what they want or need. It argues that when children can't sleep through the night (and there are no health or developmental issues), the cause is most likely some kind of emotional tension that bubbles up in the child's mind during sleep. Children’s tensions are relieved when an adult can stay close and listen to how the child feels. The crying and struggling that children do actually heals their fear and grief; it gets it out. Those feelings have sprung from some difficult or unresolved time, either recent or in the past. Sometimes a parent’s tiredness or impending work schedule impedes this method — often we just want them back to sleep as quickly as possible. Does this mean that, sometimes, parents work against the child's own instinct to get rid of bad feelings? If parents try to solve the problem quickly, by offering food or allowing the child to sleep with them, it can become a long-term issue — the pent up tension can become an issue if it is not dealt with directly. Healthy families in many cultures allow children to sleep with parents, but the good effects of sleeping close together can be negated if no-one sleeps well in that arrangement. Again, discovering what works for you and your family is most important here, as well as being consistent with your children. 56 | July 2012 | woman this month
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